Title: Create Me Anew
Author: artistwife
Rating: NC17 some mature sex
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/ Ianto mention of Gray, John
Warnings: Spoilers for Exit Wounds
Summary: Ianto puts Jack together again.
Word Count: 2168
They stand together, victorious, so how come it doesn’t feel like victory? In the short time Gray and John were not contained they had killed two of Torchwood’s own and thousands of the innocent they were sworn to protect. How had he let go? Why hadn’t he noticed?
Fear drives him onward his heart pounds against his chest, his long legs pump, and he breathes in gasps. His eyes search for a refuge where he can hide them both. Behind him he can hear screams and cries as the people on the beach are cut down or taken prisoner, he dares not look back. At last a place, not great, but good enough. He hurls his body into it. A cold dread strangles his heart when he realizes he is alone. Fear keeps him there as he listens to the screams; he smells, for the first time, the stench of battlefield death. He buries his head and prays for Gray to have found safety somewhere. There is no solace in the quiet that finally falls over the scene. He calls and searches as he runs through the bodies strewn across the beach. It is more than his tender mind can grasp, more than his fragile psyche can absorb. His tears dry in salty paths down his face as he runs homeward.
He groans as Ianto pulls him closer. He feels stubble rough against his cheek, warm breath, living breath, moves gently past his ear; a heart that beats in time with his own, pounds within another’s chest. His hands move over Ianto’s body, pulling at fastenings that separate him from flesh in which he needs to disappear. His kisses, hot and salty with tears, press desperately upon willing lips, as a small shard of his shattered being moves unerringly into place.
John tells him he loves him, he seems anxious to explain something. Jack is angry and snide with his former lover. Somewhere in time they had been the world to each other, but Jack had moved on. He barely remembers what it felt like to be with him. Folded into the hundreds of years gone by, a dim memory lies, of the violent and unrelenting love they had shared. He feels the shock of the bullets as they plow into his flesh, tearing him apart. As he draws breath he realizes he is suspended in chains against a wall. John drags him up to the roof to watch the havoc he is wreaking on the city Jack loves.
Jack undresses his lover slowly, kisses placed here and there as he pulls the clothing away. He feels the heat radiating off Ianto whose warm loving hands remove his clothes. Fingers and lips flow over his body like water, cleansing him, heating his blood as it moves sluggishly through his veins. A hand tangles in his hair. He presses forward against Ianto. Their bodies rub tantalizingly against each other, skin warming and passion rising. He sighs and moans as Ianto drops slowly to his knees trailing wet kisses on the downward path toward his desire; another shard slots seamlessly into place.
They stand in a grassy meadow, a copse of trees in the distance, silence envelopes him and John. John is trying to explain his plight. Jack is still angry he needs to get back to the devastation. He can’t believe that even John is capable of such vengeance. That he had meant so much to this shallow, self-serving man seems inconceivable. He turns at the sound of a voice. There is his brother striding toward him, the face, which was woven through the nightmares of his youth, now on a man’s body, that man, that stranger who he instinctively recognizes, moving with speed toward him. He joyously wraps Gray in his arms, his eyes filling with tears. His heart is ready to burst. He feels the sword as it enters. He wakes to a discovery that causes his mind to reel. His baby brother, for whom he spent years of his life in anguished searching, is about to bury him alive forever. He will lie here unable to live or to die until time itself burns out. John throws him a beacon disguised as a ring. Jack neither struggles nor cries out, he will do his penance for letting go of Gray’s hand. Through the centuries he wakes to terror pressing down on him. For just agonizing seconds, as he strangles and suffocates, he remembers who he is.
Ianto’s mouth envelopes him with wet warmth. Jack caresses his hair. Lazily he wraps one hand around the back of Ianto’s head the other gently trailing fingers down the side of his cheek. It had been so long, so long since he had felt anything but agony. Thousands of years of pain, fear and darkness still enclose him. Ianto looks up into his eyes and Jack smiles at him, his hips moving slowly for now, with the rhythm of Ianto’s mouth. Ianto sucks strongly slipping Jack’s cock past his epiglottis to slide effortlessly down his throat while his fingers dig bruises into his arse. His practiced movements unwind Jack’s taut strings. Ianto pulls away to ask with a throaty whisper, “What do you want Jack?” Another shard shifts silently into place.
He wakes, his mouth, nose and eyes full of dirt. He rolls over onto his stomach and coughs, gags and spits until he expels most of it. Olivia and Edward are looking down at him, eyes wide and mouths gaping. “What are you doing in the dirt?” Edward gasps, “I saw you just an hour ago at Head Quarters. What is going on?” He explains, but they are unable to comprehend. He finally gets them to understand enough, that they do put him in the freezer, as he requests. He wakes often in the dark cold of the cryo unit. He is alone and anxious. His mind rages during waking moments, before he mercifully freezes once more into oblivion.
Ianto pours oil into his palm and warms it by rubbing his hands together. Jack lies beneath his splayed knees, his head rests on the pillow and his eyes are closed. Ianto starts to massage his shoulders. With the heels of his hands and his strong fingers he finds all the knots from the thousands of years Jack had struggled to keep his sanity. Ianto works, digging his fingers into tight muscles as Jack sighs and moans. “Is it painful Jack, am I hurting you?”
“No.” barely a whisper. “I am so sorry Ianto.”
“You aren’t to blame, Jack. There is nothing for you to be sorry about”
“It was my fault, Ianto. I was supposed to protect him. I let go of his hand. I was too concerned with saving myself.”
Ianto continues massaging Jacks tight muscles. He bends forward and plants a few soft kisses on Jack’s back. “Jack, you were just a child yourself. You were running for your life through a terrifying scene. You are not responsible for this.” He moves further down Jack’s back pushing and kneading the tightness trying his best to soothe the pain. He wants his Jack back. He casts around in his mind for something he can say that would alleviate the pain and guilt that has beset Jack, but nothing presents itself. He feels hopeless and lost. He continues with the massage and sings softly, a lullaby he learned in childhood. He finally feels Jack relaxing under his hands. He moves off the bed and works on Jack’s legs and feet. He continues singing, his voice soft and low. Jack turns on his side and reaches out seeking Ianto’s hand and pulling him down. “Come back to bed. Let me just be with you.” A major portion of Jack’s beingness returns to him.
He wakes to warmth in the cryo unit and starts pounding. He hears the door open and feels the unit sliding out. He looks up into Gray’s face staring down in incomprehension at him. “I forgive you.” Jack says his voice soft and cracked with disuse. He gets out and walks toward the working area of the hub. It is with anguish that he realizes Gray is too damaged to be able to continue; but he cannot forfeit him again. He holds Gray close while he covers his mouth and nose with a handkerchief, laced with a powerful alien drug that forestalls any struggle. Gray collapses at his feet unconscious. Jack’s heart breaks with the knowledge he must destroy the only thing he had once lived for. The loss is unbearable. As he later puts Gray into a cryo unit, John taunts him for not killing Gray. “There has been enough death.” Is his simple response.
Ianto slides into bed beside him. Jack sighs and reaches out to him. Enfolding and being enfolded in loving arms elicits a moan as he pushes against Ianto as if he is trying to crawl inside him. Jack’s whispered words tug at Ianto’s heart “I need you. I need you.” Ianto holds him and rocks, smoothing his hair and his skin with a steady hand. He kisses and murmurs against Jack’s mouth. Another piece jagged and terrible fights to find its place.
Searching for Tosh he finds the blood smeared on the steps of the autopsy room. He kneels and gathers his dying friend in his arms. Struggling to stay conscious, Tosh tells him that Owen is gone. She looks up at him, love shining in her eyes for just a moment, then they glaze and he rocks and weeps unable to let her go. He shatters. Yet for the sake of those who are left he must somehow carry on. He puts on a brave face for them all. He must be the leader; he must say the heroic thing. The words catch in his throat, nausea rises. He fights it all down and stands with what is left of his team and vows to go on, but he doesn’t believe his own words. Too much loss, too much carnage. Gray, true to his word, has wiped his shining world away.
Jack clings to Ianto. Deep sobs wrack his body and Ianto holds him close, murmuring and singing. Soon the sobs subside. “Thank you for loving me Ianto.”
“Its my pleasure to love you Jack.” Silence reigns for a few moments.
“Why do you love me Ianto?” An involuntarily shiver convulses his body for a few seconds. “I have thousands of reasons for loving you Jack.” Ianto pulls him closer against his chest. “I can’t tell you all of them because they are feelings I can’t put into words. But I will tell you this. You are my hero. I would give my life for you if you asked me to. I would follow you to hell and fight the devil himself if that was your desire. I think you are one of the most selfless, men I know. You give of yourself constantly and even when you are disrespected you forgive without a second thought, no strings attached. You never make excuses you just accept responsibility for things that at times aren’t even your fault. You are a fallible human being and I see you struggle, but in the end you soldier on and do the best that you can do and give the most that you can give. But most of all Jack, I love you because you make me feel alive and that I am worthy of being beside you.” Jack sighs, his heart lightened by Ianto’s words. For a long time they lay silently against each other gently touching and smoothing each other’s skin and hair. Jack, although not completely healed, feels the beginnings of wholeness again. More shards of his being accumulate within his psyche. He feels the stirring of courage and determination return to his soul.
“I love you Ianto. “ The words, simple and unadorned, fall from his lips without him having to think about it. He realizes the depth of feeling he has for this man, and how important Ianto is to him. He feels the love Ianto is offering. He refuses to hide anymore. What Gray had taken away Ianto has given back, stronger and more potent than it was. The uncertainty about Gray is gone. He is safe in the vaults of Torchwood; and there he will stay until they may be able to cure his insanity. Then Jack will have his brother back again. The hope buoys his spirit. He kisses Ianto, his warm lips soft, his tongue sliding passionately into his mouth. Ianto responds. He pleads against Jack’s mouth, “Let me make love to you Jack. I want you so much.” Still in the kiss, Jack turns on his back and pulls Ianto on top of him. He pushes his erection upward to meet Ianto's hard cock. “Please. Please” Jack breathes.
fin
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